My dear fellow beings,
This is for all those people who feel they are being pushed around by other people. They have difficulty in saying no. And many times they feel they have been pushed with a lot of work. Have you ever wondered what it is that keeps that other guy in team so stress free and he relaxes while you get loaded more and more with work? When you have a meeting with the manager more work comes onto your head but in his case either he is able to postpone it or it doesnt come on him finally?
This has been true for me for a long time. But finally I have realised what is different. Managers in IT companies have a very different way of speaking (as do a lot of other people also). For example, if they want you to send an email to someone. They dont say “please send an email as soon as possible to xyz”. They say “an email needs to be sent to xyz”.
Same thing with interaction with Americans. They are quite good in communication no doubt. They too use this subtle way of speaking. They don’t tell you “can you write create some documents/guide on whatever you are working on and send them to me so I can understand better?” Instead they say “I was hoping that you would have some documents, something that explains all these things in more details <pause>” then you say that you dont have any documents. Now they say “Going ahead I feel it would be great if we could have some documents. That would have benefit 1, benefit 2. <pause>” Usually at this point you would say “Ok I will create some documents”. And if you dont say that they finally they will ask you directly “Since you were the person who worked on this I think you are the best person to create this document <long pause> If its not much trouble for you could you create some documents? <pause till you reply>”.
Why are they saying things in this indirect manner? Because this way along with the pauses is more compelling. Instead if you just ask “hey can you create some documents?” the reply could be “I could but I’m actually working on task1 and task2. So it will be difficult for me to make it”. While speaking back its easier to refuse the task than when it is asked in an indirect manner. Also, you feel good about yourself when you take up that task when it is asked indirectly. So as a manager remember this.
Ok. I am not sure whether I made this point clear or not. If you have any questions ask away in comments. May all of us be able to overcome our talking/shyness problems and gently stand up for ourselves in this life, without stepping or causing someone else discomfort. That is strength of good communication.